Things like this take time, there’s no deadline, and if you don’t feel comfortable doing something then don’t do it.
But it’s hard finding people like me when everyone follows a set of ‘rules’ to abide by.
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6 Comments
I know things have changed for you over the years, and that you’re on T now, but I just wanted to say that I still really appreciate your older comics about feeling like you don’t fit in for not medically transitioning. I’m transmasc, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I won’t be going on T, which makes me feel very isolated in trans spaces. I don’t bother with binding unless I’m feeling very dysphoric, because I don’t pass and probably never will, due to how I present myself. Top surgery is something I’d like, but it’s so far out in the future for personal and finanical reasons. I really wish it was easier to find other trans folks with experiences like mine.
I’m 29, genderqueer/nonbinary, likely never going to transition, and amab. I Definitely feel you on this. I find it hard enough to feel like I’m presenting as queer or nonbinary on a daily basis, instead of just being assumed as being cis.
Somedays I wonder what it would take to feel like I’m doing my own gender justice. And that’s a really weird thing to worry about.
I feel you on a ton of levels here. I can’t bind every day because it hurts. I haven’t started any sort of hormone therapy. The minute I open my mouth any chance of passing as masculine disappears in a flash. I can’t even use my chosen name except when I get a cup of coffee at a strange place.
But you know what? It’s okay. It’s okay because I’m doing this for me and only me. I’m learning how to be comfortable with the newer and happier me. Just because I can’t do it the whole way every day doesn’t mean I stopped being myself. I will get there when I get there.
Dysphoria doesn’t have to be a constant plague. But just because you don’t experience it every day doesn’t mean it’s invalid when it does. The only rules you can follow are the ones you set yourself. There is no single finish line that you have to cross to fit into this community. The finish line is when you become the person you were always meant to be. You won’t be too late, and you’re not too early. You’re right on track. You’ll fit right in.
I relate to this so much. Genderqueer here, also 28, also high-pitched voice, not going on HRT, not wearing a binder or approved for top surgery. The only dysphoria I feel is around my chest and that’s because I sport a K to L cup that also causes me back pain and I can’t get them removed until I reach a normal BMI, which puts me in a Catch-22 because I can’t do a lot of exercise due to the back pain caused by my breasts, but I can’t get them removed until I lose enough weight to reach a normal BMI. And they are so big that I don’t want to wear a binder out of fear of fucking my back up further *sigh*
I know it’s tough to wear swimgear when you’re dysphoric, but swimming is a great and safe way to get a lot of exercise as a large-bust person such as yourself and myself (I’m about an H-cup). We float well, for a start. I totally recommend a high-swim exercise routine for fixing things. And no one looks good in a swimming costume, so wear a baggy Tshirt and board shorts and go get fit in the water and don’t care about anyone else or whether they notice you, is my philosophy.
And yeah, I realise this is a year later. But I think good thoughts to you anyhow, and hope you found a solution that works for you.
there’s exercises that don’t require moving the whole body chair exercises could help but if that’s not your pick there’s many more